So now I can call myself 'dad'.
My son weighs 3576 gram and is 51 cm long.

See a picture of Frank here:
Picture from Facebook

I’m starting to lose faith in humanity…
When I was a kid I was told that if you fucked something up, then you took responsibility and if you couldn’t solve your fuck-a-row alone, you asked someone else to help you. Yesterday my “apprentice” Yasin was told to change toner on one of our printers. Doing that, he noticed that the ozone filter and the paper dust remover needed to be changed. He told me that he was going to changed them, so if anyone complained about not being able to print I could tell them that the printer would be back online very soon.
He comes back after 10 minutes and tells me that everything is okay and the printer is working again. Why shouldn’t I trust him? He is 22 years old, why should he lie to me? But before you can say “What the hell happened” I get 2 angry students complaining about the printer jamming. First I think it’s a case of “RTFM” but to humor them I agree to follow them back to check on the printer. Yasin jumps up and ask if he should do it, so I could get done with my own work. Thinking he might me bored or, god forbid, just being helpful I took him up on the offer and returned to my own workstation. 20 minutes later he pops into the office and says the following sentence “I think someone has broken something in the printer”. At this point I’m sitting with 3 laptops and 2 stationary pc’s trying to make them all work at once while helping a colleague over the phone and also showing a student how to get her Mac to access the wireless network though a VPN-connection, so I’m in no mood to waste 10 minutes just so I can show someone how to fill paper in the printer so I tell Yasin to wait while I finish my own work/mess.
When I finally have time to look at the printer I discover that Yasin somehow managed to use excessive violence while replacing the paper dust remover and broke the entire locking system so the damn thing won’t stay in place. I’m so stressed and angry at this point that first I call Xerox Support instead of Konica Minolta >_<. So I spends the most frustrating 5 minutes EVER trying to convince this poor tech-support guy that I have given him the right serial number and asks him to double check because I know we’re in their system. Then he very cautiously says “I think Bizhub C450 is a Konica Minolta printer, but I’m not sure…” where to I reply “What? Is this Xerox?? Fuck! Sorry for wasting your time… I hope I don’t call HP next”. We both laughed and hung up. Needless to say the tech-support girl at Konica Minolta was laughing her ass of when I told her.
But the thing that keeps coming back to me is; why did Yasin lie to me? Why not just tell me “I think I broke something when I tried to put in the new paper dust remover – would you look at it?” instead of letting me spent half an hour trying to fix the damn thing!
And then he tries to blame one of the teachers “Well it was Jette who used it when it broke, maybe she did it?” Yeah sure, we’re talking about sweet little miss grandma who never touches anything on the printer without someone from IT-support by her side because she is sure that every electronic appliance in the building hates her and refuses to work if she tries to fix it, well I’m sorry to say but I don’t think it was her.
I’m just tired of working with Yasin, and the real ‘boot in the face’-thing about it all is that I’m getting depressed due to the fact that it’s winter. So I sleep 20 minutes extra every morning instead of just, you know, get up, get washed and get out of the door like I normally do.

Sun sun come again. Sun sun you are my best friend.

Seth -I hate it here- Bear

Wow, longe time no LJ’ing
Seems like moving to a new apartment, looking after my pregnant wife, preparing myself mentally for my new role as a farther and simply going to work each day takes a lot of the ‘fuck you’-energy out of me.
Maybe it’s the fact that every little thing that has to be fixed in the new apartment is something Lise and I have to fight for, trying to convince the apartment-administrator (?) that things like missing ventilation in the bathroom, missing information about when (and who) someone is going to enter our apartment and old/broken floor in the bathroom, just to name a few things, is not something you would normally expect when you move into a new apartment. The apartment in itself is great, has a nice location and doesn’t seem to be possessed, so I’m not complaining about that part. ^_^

Trying to look after Lise and tell her to relax, is like trying to tell a hurricane to slow down… She knows full well that she should relax more and not stress so much, but apparently her conciseness keeps nagging her and she feels that she is letting her coworkers down if she doesn’t work as hard as she think she ought to.

Work has its ups and downs… Some days are great, with a lot to do and everything running like a clockwork and then there are days where I’m praying for a nuclear holocaust. Our new company structure is slowly taking form but is still a far way from being in place. This leaves me with a lot of double work and no time to do it.

All in all life is good even despite the fact that it’s trying to kill me slowly.

Seth -!?- Bear

I'm praying for nuclear holocaust every day

and this is what I spent my time on...:
Your results:
You are Magneto

Magneto 82% The Joker 81% Apocalypse 74% Dr. Doom 65% Two-Face 62% Mr. Freeze 60% Riddler 60% Juggernaut 54% Dark Phoenix 53% Green Goblin 50% Lex Luthor 45% Venom 41% Kingpin 33% Catwoman 32% Mystique 30% Poison Ivy 28%

You fear the persecution of those that are different or underprivileged so much that you are willing to fight and hurt others for your cause.

Click here to take the Supervillain Personality Quiz

My sometimes mentally unstable boss has told me that I’m the only one that should manage the information system we have at work.
The system itself consists of 1 server with the main program and 2 client computers with 4 players/client-programs on each.

I have installed it, tweaked it and learned how to make it work. (E.g. that you can’t use the danish ‘æ’ ‘ø’ and ‘å’ when you save a playlist, since we’re running the program on a server with the english version of windows server 2003)
I have told my boss about what I have done to the program and what I have discovered and then made some (short but readable) documentation of the changes and errors.
The server is running fine now and the only problem is when you make a remote connection and run the program it sometimes gives you a weird error.
This is solved by first closing the program and then close the remote connection, instead of just closing the remote connection.
The real problem is one of the clients. Client number 1 is running perfectly but client number 2 is a nightmare. It’ll connect to the server and report status, ask for new playlists and such but when I manually tell it to update its playlist or update some local placed media it just sits there. According to the log file everything is running, files are received and no errors are generated. The most fucked up thing is that client 2 is an exact copy of client 1, made with Symantech Ghost. The only changes I have made are to the hostname of the client and the player names.

All this is okay, because I have found a work-around. I haven’t documented it since I’m the only one updating the F*ing thing and I’m lazy ^_^;

Now my boss decided that he wanted to update the information himself and this wouldn’t be a problem if he had listen to me and read the documentation.
Instead he fucks it all up!
First he is trying to update a playlist with the charming name of ‘hængelåse og nøgler’ (he manages to use 2 words with the 3 letters that won’t work in a playlist, good god!) and when that doesn’t work he saves it all as a playlist-to-be-played in the calendar of the server-program and forces it to run. This in turn makes the clients FUBAR and none-responsive.

This morning he is all huffy and puffy about “How the program is acting weird and that he can’t get it to work and OMG we haffa pays lotsa monies for shitty program”
I promise to look at it and then report the error to the company that made the program.

I write an email 10 minutes later with the subject“What have you done???” and a message as follows: “There is nothing on the info-screens that works anymore…
I can only update them by doing it manually on each machine.
I have to ask Kristian to send me the newest versions of the server- and client-programs and then install it all from scratch.
*sigh* you ‘re not making my work easy for me“

-----------------------------------------

He emails me back with (spelling-mistakes include):
”it’s you who fucked it up. So ask yourself what have you done??????? Aren’t you the only one tinkering with this piece of shet. I tried to update last night and weren’t able to do as we normallyty do. I had to update it by the calendar. The problem should had been reported to Kristian the first day were you weren’t able to update the screns but you chose to do it your own weird way. And don’t ask then anything, because that will cost. Report the error to Kristian as I told you this morning.

So let me say:

*sigh* you’re not making my work easy for me”

-----------------------------------------



I don’t know why, but somehow I lost the urge to help him anymore today. I have done as he told me in his email, send him the solutions I got from Kristian and then set my cell-phone to redirect his calls to our IT-helpdesk and my email-system to bounce his emails back with a note saying “Sorry, no can do” And right now he is probably wondering why I’m pissed at him.

Seth “I’ll be back at work tomorrow” Bear

/////////////////////////////////////
! Update !
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
My boss, seeing me walking down the corridor, called me over and told me that he was sorry for responding to my email as he did.
"I just have a lot of stress that I need to work off"

I told him that as long as I could rant about him on LJ and get him to make the coffee for the rest of the week I would accept his apology ^_^

-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\
! End Update !
-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

My email to my boss (in Danish):

Subject: hvad har du lavet???
Der er intet ved info-skærmende der virker mere…
Jeg kan kun opdatere ved at gøre det manuelt på hver maskine.
Jeg må bede Kristian om at sende mig de nyeste versioner af både server og klient programmer og så installer det hele forfra.
*suk* du gør det sgu ikke nemt for mig.


My boss’ reply:

Subject: RE: hvad har du lavet???
Det har du jo selv fucket den op. så spørg dig selv hvad har du lavet??????? er det ikke kun dig der piller ved lordet. Jeg kunne ikke i aftes gøre det sådan samme vi plejer, så blev jeg nødt til sende jobbet via kalender. Fejlen skulle også være meldt til Kristian i den første dag da du ikke kunne opdater skrammerne men du valgte og gøre det på din egen underlig måde. Og lad være med at beder om noget fordi det kommer til koste. Fejlmeld den til Kristian som jeg sagde til dig i morges og ikke andet.
så lad mig sige:
*suk* du gør det sgu ikke nemt for mig.

Let’s start with New Years Eve;
We were in Jutland this New Years eve, staying with Lise’s mother and her husband Kim. We arrived Saturday the 29th of December. To me big surprise, nobody was arguing or yelling doing the first 24 hours and everything was okay. This turned out to be the clam before the storm.
To cut it short: I got fed up and told them I was going to bed, because I didn’t want to hear people arguing over something as insignificant as ice cubes. Lise tried to play peace negotiator and instead of helping her out I went for a walk (wow, looking back on this really makes me stand out as an asshole)
New Years Eve and the following day were like a rollercoaster ride. Doing the day we were talking to each other and trying not to make anyone go nuclear. Thing got a lot easier when people got really drunk ^_^ Everybody was having fun but the next morning Lise’ little sister made a mistake… She didn’t say “the dog’s food bowl” but said “the thing the dog is eating from”. This caused a shitstorm of yelling and cursing from Kim. According to him, you’re not allowed to use other words to describe an object. (This means I can’t call him a mental midget but have to use idiot, or else he’ll get confused)
We left Jutland on the 2nd of January. (and never have I been happier to board a train than when we left that day) The rest of the time till now has been a haze. I have been at school and trying to stay awake. (As I’m writing this, I have 2 hours before I have to take a test in CISCO CCNP 2 and I’m not even the least bit prepared)
My dad is still filled with cancer and the doctors had to increase the amount of chemotherapy, because the lymph notes around his stomach had not shrunk as much as they were suppose to. Even with this kind of shit over his head, he is still in good mood and still capable of cracking a joke or two.
Lise and I are still madly in love with each other and we’re both pleasantly surprised about how strong our relationship is. (15 lines of love poetry had to be removed due to too much sugary goodness ^^; )

I think that is all for now.
Seth “Sad bear in soya-sauce” Bear

Let me begin by saying that I hate Christmas/X-mas! I hate how everything has to revolve about some random dude being born some 2000 years ago, a giant red asshole with a fetish for reindeer and midgets and last but not least, how we have to spent every single coin to buy gifts to family and friends.
I admit I like to meet with my family and/or friends and have a nice day together, but is it really necessary to run around a tree and hurl presents at each other?
"But Jesus wants you to remember him!" Well shit, then he should have done something more than getting his crazy ass nailed to a cross.
"Santa Claus is a embodiment of everything nice" Yep, and he is nice for one day...
"Giving gifts show people how much you love them" No! But helping, caring about and telling people how much I love them, shows how much I love them...

Enough ranting.

Let's talk about my family.
My father is doing okay with his chemotherapy. He is starting to loss hair and have had an infection in the arm, where the doctor injected the drugs, but he is still in high sprite.
My cousin Ann got married and is happy as can be.
My mother have bought a dog, which I have yet to see (and kick).
The love of my life (Lise) is playing God of War (1 & 2) and is about ready to break our playstation in half, because certain levels are giving her trouble ^^;

Seth "This is Mushroom Kingdom!" Bear

My dad has cancer. I mean, jesus christ, my dad have cancer! I just can’t get my head around the simple fact that he is sick. He called my yesterday and told me. Actually he started by asking how my Sunday was and after hearing that I was having a good day, he laughed the kind of laughter that he always laugh when he is nervous and the just said “I was hospitalized last night… It’s cancer… I’m being transferred to Herlev hospital tomorrow and I’m just home to pick up some things… The doctors say it’s not something I got from smocking or drinking... And before you ask, no, I’m not going to die within the next 24 hours…”

I know that cancer is treatable and that he’ll probably survive but it still fucks with my view of how the world works.

I just want… never mind… I write more later, but right now I need to stop moping.

Seth “Mice and Men” Bear

I have been taking CCNP 1 again, since I didn't pass the last time.
But this time turned out to be not so much different... I needed to score over 50% in my final test, but I only got 46%.
2 weeks later, back at work, I'm told that they will not fire me, since all my other grades are above average. Instead they are going to see if they can let me pass CCNP 1 so I'll be able to keep up with the rest of my class (or at least the 4 guys who passed CCNP 1).

Lise have given her resignation to Danish Lunch, since the CEO and his 'Right hand man' turned out to be complete asshats.

Lately I'm beginning to feel constantly drained and tired. I can't seem to find the energy to complete the simplest task (e.g. vacuum the apartment, do the dishes and so on). At work I can at least pretend that I'm doing something.

And now I'm to lazy to write more...

Seth "FUBAR" Bear

PS: "What's the point in all this screaming, no one's listening anyway"

I received a spam-message with that line in topic. Somehow it gave me a very disturbing image in my head.

I can just see this big black man with tiny pink fairy-wings, tattoos and a dick that looks like it belongs on an elephant, towering over me as I lay in bed. And how exactly is he going to bless me? Cockslap me till my own wing-wong grows bigger? Penis-pimp my dick?

Curse you spammail and curse the thoughts you put in my mind!

Seth –Big Dick- Bear

Didn’t pass CCNP 1… So now I have to take that part again, starting on the 30 July. I can safely say that CCNP is the only thing that makes me feel like I have an IQ below 60… I feel I understand it, but then I write it down and it turns out I don’t know half of it.

On a happier note;
I got a Wii on my birthday! WEEEEEEEEE!
I’m about to buy a used 3Ghz computer which, compared to my old 1,8Ghz, kicks ass!
I have 3 weeks of summer vacation and it’s raining, so I have to stay inside (more time for me to play with my Wii (lame joke))
My best friend is coming over to stay for a couple of days.
Monday next week, I and five others are going to see Transformers (YAY!)

There is one other event that beats all this, but I can’t tell you about it now. You’ll just have to wait 2 weeks (like me).

Seth –Static Dancing- Bear

I back at school, trying to get myself through the last 2 weeks of CCNP Modul 1 and I can’t seem to find the energy to complete it… I feel depressed and I’m angry at myself because I know that if just sat down and really studied for it, I could probably pass with an okay grade. Instead I end up playing computer or reading comics. “What you don’t know will backstab you to death” Somehow I feel that this is true.

 

I’ll try to update again when I’m done with CCNP, to see if there is any difference to see, regarding my mood.

I fell over two more while I looked around on my disk…

The only road left to walk upon, is the road that leads past the graves of the people you loved the most. Even though the journey is hard you will endure the suffering it brings you, because you know that in the end, the pain is the only thing that lets you know that you’re still alive. But what will happen if you are led to believe that there is no pain, that the graves are empty and the names on the headstones are unfamiliar to you. Will you still have a way to know that you’re alive?
You’ll always have something to strife for, something to dream about.
And when the day comes and you reach your destination, grasp your dream and stand back with nothing to look forward to.
Will you then look back in anger and curse yourself for being too focused, too determined to reach the end?
Will pain fill your heart, when every heartbeat just sends you further into emptiness?
Or will you look down and laugh at all the others that never got to see their dreams come true?
Maybe you will just carry on living in the shell of your former life.
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A new day has arrived while we still mourn over the loss of its predecessor. This new day will try its hardest to live up to all the expectations you have. But when you adjust yourself to see every new day as a threat instead of a treat, you’ll find yourself at the end of this new day, regretting that you never gave the day a chance to show you the wonders that a new day brings. And while you cry over the fact that you live most of you life with closed eyes, a new day creeps up behind you.
Still with tears clinging to the corners of your eyes, you grab hold of this new day like a drowning man grabbing a lifesaver. But the day never unfolds its wings and too late you discover that you have choked the day in your futile struggle to make every second count.

Just when I was about to post this, Winamp started to play “The sore feet song” and I really really REALLY love this song.
So now I’ll post it here ^^
The themesong from Mushi Mushi;

I walk ten thousand miles,
ten thousand miles, to see you
And every gasp of breath,
I grabbed it just to find you
I climbed up every hill to get to you
I wandered ancient lands to hold just you

and every single step of the way
I pay
Every single night and day
I searched for you
through sandstorms and hazy dawns
I reached for you

I stole ten thousand pounds,
ten thousand pounds to see you
I robbed convenience stores
'cause I thought they'd make it easier
I lived of rats and toads and I starved for you
I fought off giant bears and I killed them too

and every single step of the way
I pay
Every single night and day
I searched for you
through sandstorms and hazy dawns
I reached for you

I'm tired and I'm weak, but I'm strong for you
I wanna go home but my love gets me through

I have started my evening of self-loathing, alcohol and the art of running in circles inside my own head...
The cool thing about all this is that I don’t harm myself physically (except my liver).
I just sit and turn every single sentence inside my own head hoping for some kind of idea to form and give my evening a purpose.

I just looked through all my old letters and rants, because I thought that would make the time pass. I was right and I was also wrong. Here are some of the lines that made me smile, made me laugh and made me think over how my life used to feel like all those years ago (all those years ago = 4 years)
(FYI: The most is in danish, and I’m to lazy to translate it)

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[20:01] <Seth> der er 10000 måder at dø på, og man kan kun vælge en, og selv om man ikke vælger så dør man alligevel
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Du ser dit ansigt og du ser dig selv, men ser du virkelige alt den sorg og gråd der ligger bag dine øjne, eller den fortvivlelse der ligger som et slør over alle dine ansigtstræk? Når du bliver forskrækket over at se håbløsheden i dit eget spejlbillede, så er det på tide at rette op eller sælge dit spejl. Det bliver fandens hårdt, hvis du skal til at børste tænder hver morgen med lukkede ørne. Du skriger, men dit spejlbillede kan ikke lyve og viser dig.
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¨Du er så skøn på tusinde måder og jeg har millioner af ord som jeg kan bruge til at beskrive dig med, men ingen ord er nogensinde nok til at beskrive dig på den rigtige måde.
Jeg kan gøre et forsøg, men jeg er bange for at komme til at sige noget forkert, og usikkerheden låser min tunge og fryser mine tanker og efterlader mig med alt for mange følelser og alt for få ord.
Alle de ting jeg vil sige og alle de måder jeg ikke kan sige det på.
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Hvor ville det hele være nemt hvis jeg bare kunne åbne min store fede mund og sige ”Nu skal du hører…” men sådan er det ikke.
Lad mig være i fred eller tag skraldet, når jeg tømmer mit syge sind ud over dig.
Af alle de steder jeg har været, der er mit eget sind dog det mørkeste. Nuvel, jeg kan sprede lys, men selv det klarest lys kaster en skygge. Jeg danser en dans med døden og det eneste jeg kan gøre er at følge musikken og håbe på at jeg ikke træder forkert.
Alt mit had og smerte løber som sort olie bag mine øje, og jeg kigger væk i et forsøg på at skjule det for andre. Hvorfor bekymrer andre med problemer som de ikke har brug for?
”Et slag i ansigtet er bedre end to slag på tasken” ville Morten sikkert havde sagt, og jeg kan kun give ham så evigt ret.

I see now a world of fear through at mist of tears
I've been in a very bad mood, as if I knew
You always end up empty so full of yourself
I can safely say now, even oldest of tricks that exist:
That you can still disappoint a pessimist!

Alt for meget at holde sammen på.
Alle veje fører til Rom og de går alle sammen ned af bakke…
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Endnu engang vender jeg tilbage, som en hund vender tilbage til sit eget bræk.
Jeg har en morbid humor og et sort sind. Ikke en god kombination når man sidder alene… Måske går det hele nok, og så kan jeg jo engang læse dette og grine af mig selv, eller også kan en anden læse alt dette og måske forstå lidt af hvad der har forgået bag mine øjne.
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"God got mad at Cain because Cain had an idea God was a vegetarian. His brother knew better. God made the world in His image, and if you don't eat the world, the world eats you. So Cain says to his brother, 'Why didn't you tell me?' And his brother says, 'Why didn't you listen?' And Cain says, 'Okay, I'm listening now.' So he waxes his brother and says, 'Hey God! You want meat? Here it is! You want roast or ribs or Abelburgers or what?' And God told him to put on his boogie shoes. So ... what do you think?"
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Jeg er depressiv igen… ikke den normale “gid altid bare ville gå væk” men mere en “hvad laver jeg i København?” Jeg har det udmærket lige så længe at jeg har noget at tage mig til, men når weekenden kommer krybene eller når jeg har tidlig fri, så sidder jeg og mukker over i et hjørne og ønsker jeg var i Jylland. Jeg ved godt at Lise ikke kan redde mig, men hun fylder dog min hverdag og hun giver mig den støtte og ro som jeg så længe har været på jagt efter. Jeg kan se mig selv havde en rolig hverdag sammen med hende. Kan se mig selv få et barn sammen med hende. Men lige nu lider jeg under den simple kendsgerning at der er over 300 kilometer i mellem os. Jeg vil så gerne vise hende den kærlighed jeg føler for hende, men alt hvad jeg kan gøre, er at vente til hun kommer hjem, snakke med hende over telefonen, og så vente på at der skal gå endnu en dag. Jeg ved godt at det er den forkerte måde at se det hele på, at jeg bare burde være glad for at der er en der venter på mig, at der er en der gennemgår det samme savn som mig og at vi nok skal finde et sted at bo sammen på et eller andet tidspunkt.
Det er måske der mit problem er… at jeg er bange for at miste hende. Ikke til Caine eller nogen anden, men jeg er bange for at jeg ikke kan gøre det klart nok for hende hvor meget hun betyder for mig. Samtidig ved jeg godt at det bare er mit lave selvværd der taler og at jeg ikke burde bekymrer mig alt for meget. Men det er som at fortælle en mand der er gået ild i, at han ”bare skal ligge sig ned og rulle rundt”. Logikken er okay, men det kræver at man lytter…

What is the answer to the question that I can not ask myself?
Life is going alright. Lise and I have go us a place we can call home and we still love each other like there is no tomorrow. Now we have to see what everyday life will do to our love and relationship. (We’ll yell at each other, make love and have fun just like everybody else… but that is just my guess)

Some once asked me “Do you have a problem with alcohol?” At that point I just looked at him and said “I doon’t tiink so”… Had it been today I would have said something like “Problem? No way! I love to drink!”
The sad fact is that I seem to be enjoying it a little too much. The reason I came to this conclusion is: That I’m currently sitting with an open bottle of wine in front of me… Normally I don’t drink wine unless I eating some fancy dinner (or something like that). But I was sitting alone and feeling sorry for myself for being the *insert negative comment about myself* that I feel I am. So I started to look around for something to drink and I noticed the wine. Long story short: I sitting and drinking wine, even though I know that I going to get a headache tomorrow morning.

Self-pity is something I hate! Especially when I the one doing it!
But have do you do when it have become so easy to hate yourself?
Don’t get me wrong, I love life, Lise and everything else, it’s just myself I can’t stand…

Now for something else: W.C. Fields
I have only seen short film clips with him, never an entire movie but I have always loved some of his quotes.
Like this one: "...more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol." – W.C. Fields
And more fitting: ”I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” -W. C. Fields

Well what is there left to say? Fu*k you and anything you have ever been in contact with!

Seth –Drunk and semihappy- Bear